


and despite everything i’m still human

by tikii



Category: Cytus (Video Games)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Nature, possible 3.0 spoilers, the crytus server is at it again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:00:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25018897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tikii/pseuds/tikii
Summary: in which ivy is reassured that she is ,,, well ,,, a humana 3 +1 ;three times someone tried to reassure ivy and one time someone convinced her
Relationships: Ivy | OPCI_2501_IV & Colin Neumann Jr. | ConneR, Ivy | OPCI_2501_IV & Joe Miller, Ivy | OPCI_2501_IV & Rin | OPCI_0584_X, Ivy | OPCI_2501_IV/Vanessa | OPCI_2501_V, Rin | OPCI_0584_X/Sagar Thakker
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	1. underneath this skin there’s a human

**Author's Note:**

> hello !!!   
> this idea came from the crytus server ( not shockingly ) so that means that we just have a grand old time there yknow  
> it’s really chaotic but we’re really able to produce really good and fun ideas - like this one - so if you ever want to join you could find the link in another one of my pieces !!  
> enjoy this !!

Conner had seen the look on Ivy’s face anytime the word ‘human’ or ‘humanity’ was mentioned. 

Her eyes would darken, her face would fall, and she would turn away a little, sinking into the bigness of her hood as if she was trying to hide herself.

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to find out why she did this (although, Conner was really smart - possibly smart enough to be a rocket scientist, but he wasn’t going to pat himself on the back-): 

She didn’t see herself as totally, 100% human.

And that would not do. 

To Conner, it was almost insulting to him that she didn’t see herself as human. They had thrown everything on the line to save her and Vanessa, especially from the armed forces, and Ivy had the  _ audacity  _ to not see herself as human? Even after all that they’ve been through? Even after she blended in with the human crowds seamlessly, and even after there wasn’t a question to her humanity? 

(...Conner supposed they all had their own ghosts to deal with, even after everything. But  _ still- _ )

(If Ivy had continued to blend in seamlessly with the human crowds, even before they found her, then why would she doubt her own humanity?)   
  
(It seemed to be self destructive-)

(...ugh. Conner was going to have to step in, wasn’t he?)

(...)

(Ugh. Fine. She better not mistake it for him caring about her.)

So, one day, Conner decided that he was going to put an end to that track of mind. He invited her over, disguised it as an ‘interrogation’ for information about the past, because if he told her what this actually was for, then she wouldn’t come.

When she actually came over, a deadpan expression on her face and her hands tugging at the hem of her jacket. “...I hope these questions aren’t ridiculous like last time.” 

Ah. The walls and defenses have already been built. She was going to be tough to crack.

“Come in and take a seat.” Conner stepped out of the way so that she could walk in. “I’ll get you something to drink.”

Ivy eyed him and slowly stepped in. “...is that my hint that we’re going to be here for a while?” 

Conner chuckled. “Perhaps. Get yourself comfortable, Ivy.”

Ivy let out a soft groan, but walked in anyway, stuffing her hands in her pockets. Conner filled up a glass of water for the both of them and sat down in front of her, starting with some basic questions about the past. Then, he asked her about the significance of her metal parts, which was his beginning of ‘fixing the problem’.

(‘Fixing’ wasn’t the word that Conner wanted to use in this situation - he wasn’t  _ that  _ heartless. Ivy wasn’t broken and she didn’t need to be fixed.)

(He just… wanted to mend her situation.)

“...I don’t know the specifics about what I’m made of.” Ivy muttered, poking at her hand. “It’s just… metal, I suppose.”

“Ah, I see.” Conner pretended to write something down. “And… there was a lot of talk about humans, as you’ve mentioned before?”

“Yes.”

“Was there ever any talk about…  _ being  _ human?” Conner wasn’t one to sugar coat things nor beat around the bush - if he was going to get to the bottom of this, he was going to do so directly. 

Ivy hesitated for a moment. “...yes. Some talk, here and there.” She was more short and curt with her answer this time, so Conner knew he was beginning to get into odd territory. Not only was Ivy beginning to get uncomfortable, Conner was beginning to grow uncomfortable himself. Emotions really… weren’t his forte.

(He was searching and searching for a reason other than the true reason for doing this, trying to keep his walls built up and refusing to believe that he-)

(...why would he lie to himself?)   
  
(He was doing this because he couldn’t stand the sad look on Ivy's face at the mention of humanity. He was doing this because he didn’t want her to feel bad anymore.)

(...but there was no way he was going to say that out loud.)

“And you…?”

Ivy blinked, then deflected the question exactly how Conner thought she was going to.

(Man - he was good.)

“...why is that important in this line of questioning? Are you… interrogating me?”   
  
“Bold of you to assume that I haven’t been interrogating you all this time.” Conner replied with a small smirk. When Ivy scowled, he put his hands up and put his pen and paper down. “Alright, fine. I have been… observing you as of late.” 

Ivy blinked, sinking back into her hood as if she was about to pounce on him. “...what’s that supposed to mean?” 

“The work humanity seems to… irk you, for some reason.” Conner leaned forward and rested his elbow on the table. Ivy scrunched up her nose at the mention of the word, proving his point for him. “Why is that?”

“...I think you’re hallucinating.” Ivy blinked. “Should I call Joe?”

“No, I’m not hallucinating - I know what I see.” Conner raised an eyebrow. “Whenever the word ‘human’ or ‘humanity’ is mentioned in a conversation, your demeanor changes. I have… a hypothesis of my own, but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions. I’d rather hear it from you.”

“...so, what? This is an intervention?” Ivy’s face scrunched up in both annoyance and confusion. 

“Of sorts, yes.” Conner sat up a bit straighter. “So, what will be? Shall I tell you my hypothesis, or would you care to tell me?” 

“...go ahead.” Ivy crossed her arms over her chest. “You’ll probably be wrong, anyway-“

“You don’t feel as if you’re human.” Conner cut her off, watching as her expression dropped. “You’ve tried to come across as human to others, and they see that you  _ are  _ indeed, human, but you hold yourself to a higher standard, therefore, you do not see yourself as human.”

Ivy blinked twice.

...Conner had never seen her so expressive. 

Then, much to his surprise, Ivy got up and began to make way to the door, her hands curling into fists at her side. 

“Ivy, wait-“

“No. I’m not staying.” She hissed through gritted teeth. “You think you know  _ everything  _ about  _ everyone  _ and I’m here to tell you you  _ don’t  _ so why don’t you just drop it-“ Ivy reached for the doorknob.

Conner quickly stood up. “Does my metal arm make me any less human?”

Her hand faltered. 

There was silence.

“...I will ask you again - does my metal arm make me any less human?” 

“...no.” Ivy’s voice was so quiet that Conner had to strain to hear it. She refused to turn around and look at him. 

“Really?” Conner put a hand to his chin. “But it is metal, is it not? I don’t have two flesh arms. Most humans have two flesh arms… so tell me, Ivy, why does my metal arm not make me less human?” 

Ivy remained silent. 

Conner let out a small sigh, a bit of hope sparking in his chest when Ivy’s hand fell limply at her side. Her body language showed she had no intention of leaving, but it also looked as if she was…

Defeated. 

...goodness. He couldn’t believe he was doing this.

Conner slowly lifted his eyepatch to reveal his eye and spoke quietly. “Ivy… could you turn around for a second?” 

To her credit, when Ivy finally made eye contact, she didn’t flinch, nor make a face - she simply blinked, her hands coming up to tug at the end of her hood. 

“Does my eye make me any less human?” 

Ivy shook her head mutely, maintaining eye contact with Conner, surprisingly to him.

(...the only other person he had ever shown his eye was Sasha, and even then, she recoiled in surprise and grimaced, unable to maintain eye contact with him for a long period of time.)

Conner put his eyepatch back on and sat back down in his chair, gesturing for Ivy to sit down. She hesitated in walking back, but she eventually did, sitting on the edge of the chair with a bit of an odd expression on her face. 

“Physical traits do not determine whether someone is human or not, in your case.” Conner continued, softening his voice a little. “If my metal arm, nor my eye make me less human, then your metal parts do not make  _ you  _ any less human, architect or not.”

Ivy opened her mouth to reply, then closed it again, the grip on her hood becoming tighter.

“...go on.”

“...that’s not it.” She mumbled. 

“Then what is it, Ivy?” 

Ivy let go of her hood, then patted the left of her chest with her right hand with a small frown. When she kept her hand over her chest, it finally clicked for Conner.

...a heart.

(That was one of the many pieces of the puzzle, Conner was  _ sure  _ \- but having a starting point was better than no starting point.) 

“Ah, I see… you believe you are less human because you don’t have a heart.” Conner said bluntly. Ivy flinched back a little, her eyebrows furrowing. “Tell me, Ivy - what does the heart do for the human?”

“...something with blood. It keeps the body alive.” Ivy replied. 

“You don’t have a heart, and yet, you are brimming with so much life you can hardly contain it.” Conner chuckled, leaning against the table again. “You don't have a heart, and yet, you are sitting before me today, alive and well.”

When Ivy didn’t respond, Conner continued. “And while you may not have a physical heart, I assure you, you  _ do  _ have a metaphorical one.”

“...what?”

“Us humans use the term ‘heart’ to misty describe… emotions, and you and I  _ both  _ know that you experience emotions more than often.” 

Ivy put her hand to her chest again and looked away, biting her lower lips. “I don’t… emote as much as Vanessa, does, though-”

“Do you see her as more human than you?” Conner found himself frowning, an odd feeling settling in his stomach. When Ivy nodded, he let out a small sigh. “I see… well, Vanessa emotes more than Mr. Jackson. Does that make him any less human?”   
  


“No, but-”   
  


“There is a point I am trying to make here, Ivy,” Conner clasped his hands together. “And that point is that you don’t see yourself as human because you have a double standard for what is and isn’t human. You feel as if-”   
  


“You don’t know what I feel.” Ivy hissed through gritted teeth. “I wouldn’t have come if I had known that  _ this  _ was going to happen-” 

“But you’re here.” Conner was careful to not coat his words with annoyance. “Ignoring this will only prolong it further. Contrary to popular belief, Ivy, ignoring a problem does not mean that it will just disappear. You, out of all people, should know this the best.”

“...just like how I couldn’t ignore the problem of Vanessa being in the library.” Ivy murmured. “She wouldn’t magically appear in front of me if I ignored it.”   
  


“Precisely.” Conner nodded, a small smile on his face. “I’m glad you’re beginning to get it.” 

Ivy shrugged and looked away, the annoyed expression on her face slowly fading. “...why are you doing this?”

...why was he doing this?   
  
“...well, I simply think it’s preposterous that you believe that you aren’t human after everything that we have done - especially after you’ve adapted into the human society so seamlessly.” Conner replied simply. “It didn’t sit well with me.”

Ivy looked up in surprise, blinking a couple of times. “...I see.” 

“...do you have any thoughts on what I said?” Conner asked, suddenly feeling a little awkward. He probably wasn’t the best person to do this, but he had been  _ itching  _ to intervene ever since he noticed, and now that he finally had the chance to, he wasn’t going to end it on a sour note.

(...as much as he didn’t want to admit it, Ivy deserved better than that.) 

“...I guess you made a few… good points.” Ivy grumbled, pulling her jacket tighter around herself. “This wasn’t… what I expected, though.”

“I’ve got to keep you on your toes.” Conner said with a small chuckle. 

For the first time that day, Ivy smiled, and although it was lopsided and awkward, Conner would take it. “...yeah. That… that certainly kept me on my toes.”

“That’s about all I wanted to say.” Conner rested his chin on his hand. “You’re more than welcome to leave, if you want.”

( _ How had this turned so awkward so fast, _ Conner thought with a small grimace.) 

“...alright. I’ll take my leave, then.” Ivy got up from her chair and started to shuffle to the door. 

“...I mean what I said, Ivy.” Conner said quietly before she opened the door. “You’re just as human as the rest of us. Don’t forget that.” 

Ivy hesitated, let out a small huff, then walked out of the house, closing the door behind her with a rather harsh slam. 

...perhaps he shouldn’t have intervened.

Self doubt was a powerful thing. It gripped at you until you could resist no more. 

Conner ran a hand over his face and sighed heavily, feeling unreasonably tired. 

Maybe it was a bad idea for him to do that.

...but his goal was to get Ivy thinking about it. About everything he said. And perhaps he had planted that seed in her mind that would shake some doubt off of her. 

...maybe next time he would take a better approach.

(...ugh. He probably should have gotten some pointers from Neko before he did this.) 


	2. buried deep within theres a human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...it was a lengthy text about his ‘findings’ on Ivy (what was she - a research subject?), and how she seemed to be feeling about… humanity.
> 
> Rin found what he said to be all too familiar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonus points if u can guess what song these lyrics are from >:33

Conner didn’t usually text anyone  _ ever _ , but when he did, he meant business. So, when Rin’s phone pinged with a text from Conner, she dropped everything to read it, even angling her phone so that Sagar could read the text she was sent.

...it was a lengthy text about his ‘findings’ on Ivy (what was she - a research subject?), and how she seemed to be feeling about… humanity.

Rin found what he said to be all too familiar. 

And, what was even more surprising was that Conner was asking for  _ help _ \- he claimed that he wasn’t the best person to try and help Ivy with her ‘predicament’, and was enlisting help. Rin was all for helping Ivy - she had known this feeling all too well - but it was odd that it was coming from  _ Conner. _

No offense to Conner or anything! He was just… the last person Rin expected to send this text. Him and Ivy tended to butt heads a lot, and Conner wasn’t really… emotionally there, either.

“...that’s sweet of him, though.” Rin murmured, turning her phone off and turning around to smile at Sagar. “It’s nice that he cares.”

“I dunno… I feel like he shouldn’t be meddling with stuff like this.” Sagar said with a small frown. “That’s Ivy’s personal business.” 

(Rin had to hold back a small laugh. Sagar was still a little iffy on Conner, so he was always finding ways to jab at him. It was… amusing.)

“I guess you’re right… but it’s nice that he cares.” Rin hummed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I hope he told Vanessa.” Sagar was with a small huff. “If… there was something going on with you, I’d like to be the first person to know.” 

“...aw. That’s sweet.” Rin teased with a small smile, ignoring the burning in her cheeks. “H-he probably told Vanessa first, but I… I still want to help. Maybe I could invite Ivy and Vanessa over? And maybe I can… try to talk to her.”   
  


“...I can try to keep Vanessa in a different room - for privacy.” Sagar leaned against the chair Rin was sitting on, a small grin on his face. “Maybe I can convince her that raw meat isn’t really a nutritious meal.” 

Rin began to laugh, bringing a hand to her mouth. “You can try your best, but I don’t think she’ll listen.”

“It’s a good topic to keep her occupied with - I might even make a presentation out of it - with all the pretty fonts and colors.” Sagar joked. 

“...does that mean you’re actually in on this?” Rin asked, hope sparking in her chest. “You’ll help me?”   
  


“Of course!” Sagar furrowed his eyebrows, looking genuinely offended. “Did you think I wouldn’t?”

Rin giggled. “It’s relieving to know that you have my back, Sagar.” She reached up and patted his cheek. “I’d say you get started on that presentation.”

Sagar grinned, a small laugh escaping him. “Aye aye, captain. Make sure you invite me on a day I have off.” 

“Of course! You’re off on Tuesday, right?”   
  


“I’m pretty sure, yeah.” 

“Alright! I’ll text them.” Rin held her phone to her chest, suddenly a little nervous. “...I have to think about what I’ll say to Ivy…”

“I’m sure you’ll come up with the right thing to say.” Sagar reached out to pat Rin on the shoulder. “You’ve always been really good with words. Just… say it from the heart.” He tapped her on the chest with a small smile. “You got this.” 

Rin smiled softly, fidgeting with the phone in her hand as her cheeks began to burn. “...thank you. You should probably start to work on that presentation, mister.”   
  


“I’ll let Bobo help me pick the colors - he’s clearly the most coordinated out of us two.” Sagar joked, grinning widely when Rin began to laugh. 

“Definitely. I hope you have fun.”   
  


“Same time for dinner?”

“Same time for dinner.”

“Holler if you need me.” Sagar winked at her and began to jog up the stairs, calling for Bobo and leaving a flustered Rin behind.

...ugh. Stupid Sagar and his stupid winks-

Rin let out a heavy sigh and ran her hands over her face, her cheeks bright red. She could worry about stupid Sagar and his stupid wink later - she had to think about what to say to Ivy.

...Sagar said to speak from the heart.

She didn’t have a heart.

But Rin had the emotions that were commonly associated with having a heart, and that was what was important.

...that’s what made her a little more human than she thought. 

(...huh. Rin knew exactly what she wanted to say.) 

Tuesday rolled around quicker than Rin thought - Sagar had gone over his ‘presentation’ ( _ goodness  _ Rin couldn't believe that he was actually serious about that-) with Rin, even going so far as to give it a joke test run on her. She held Bobo in her arms the whole time, talking loudly about how she loved the colors Bobo picked out.

It was fun to see Sagar get so flustered so quickly. 

When they deemed the presentation… well… presentable, they simply waited until the pair got to Sagar’s house, practically running to the door to open it and let them in.

“Good luck.” Saagr whispered to Rin, reached out and squeezed her hand quickly, then opened the door. 

“Hi!” Vanessa exclaimed happily, clapping her hands together excitedly. “Thanks for having us over!” 

“No problem!” Rin chirped in reply. “It’s nice to see you two!” 

“It’s nice to see you two too!” Vanessa giggled. “That was odd… humans have such funny words. Er… no offense, Sagar.”

“None taken.” Sagar waved his hand with a small snort. “I get it.”

Vanessa rattled off about the oddness of the ‘human language’ as she walked into the house, Ivy trailing quietly behind her. They took their shoes off at the door, and that’s when Sagar and Rin put their plan into motion.

“Hey, Vanessa, can I borrow you for a second?” Sagar asked. “I have something to show you.”

“...sure!” Vanessa looked back at Ivy for a second, smiled softly, and then turned back to Sagar. “Lead the way!”

“Oh, that reminds me - Ivy, I have something to show you in the greenhouse.” Rin added on, clasping her hands together. “So if you want… to come with me?” 

Ivy looked back at Vanessa for a split second before shuffling forward, giving Rin a short nod. “Sure.”

“Alright! Let’s get going.” Rin began to walk back to the greenhouse, looking back at Sagar and grinning when he gave her a thumbs up. 

Their plan had worked.

“...I see you’ve grown a lot of plants since the last time I’ve been here.” Ivy said quietly as she stepped into the greenhouse, a weak smile on her face. 

“Yeah! I’ve been trying to make this place as diverse as possible. There’s a lot of space to do so.” Rin replied, clasping her hands over her chest. 

“...it’s really nice.” Ivy murmured, looking around in wonder. Rin smiled softly, a bit of nervousness rising in her chest when she realized the reason why Ivy was even in the greenhouse in the first place.

(...and a little bit of guilt, too.)

But when Ivy looked around the room with that look on her face, it was hard to tell that she  _ wasn’t  _ human.

Whether she believed it or now, she tended to emote just as much as any other human - she  _ felt  _ just as much as any human did.

...she just had to make sure that Ivy saw it.

“Thank you! Here - there’s a flower I want to show you.” She led Ivy to a small patch of blue flowers, giggling when Ivy let out a small gasp.

“These aren;t-”

“They are.” Rin beamed. “I bred them a couple of days ago… I was just waiting for the right time to tell you!”

“That’s… wow.” Ivy looked up at Rin, happiness and surprise shining in her eyes. “They’re so beautiful.” 

“They are!” Rin knelt in front of the flowers, humming quietly as she reached for her water bucket. “They need to be watered a lot, though - they’re really delicate.” 

“That makes sense.” Ivy knelt down next to her, her eyes staying on the flowers. “I haven’t seen… one flower like this ever since I’ve been here.” 

“The human world is filled with such fascinating nature.” Rin began to put her little ramble into action, going from kneeling to sitting down on the ground. Ivy mimicked her, pulling her legs up to her chest. “And… humanity itself is fascinating as well, I have found. They’re like nature - they grow, and they spread.”

“They spread  _ quickly _ ,” Ivy murmured, and Rin let out a small laugh. 

“Humanity is just… complicated like that.” She beamed at Ivy. “Like you and me! And Vanessa.”

“...what do you mean?” 

“Well…” Rin was growing nervous. Maybe this was none of her business, maybe she shouldn’t have done this in the first place-

...but she could tell that Ivy really needed to hear this.

“Just like how humanity is complex, we are too.” Rin tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “We’re not just… circuits and metal. We’re so much more than that. We feel, we experience, we learn and we  _ grow  _ \- just like nature and humanity itself.” When Ivy didn’t reply, she continued. “You know… there was a time when I struggled with my own humanity. Most of it was… the fact that I didn’t have a heart. I was afraid I couldn’t feel like the other humans.” She put a hand to her chest, a sad smile forming on her face. “But… what helped was having Sagar reassuring my humanity.” 

“...really?” Ivy raised an eyebrow, and Rin blushed.

“Y-yes! Erm…” She looked away. “He’s… always super kind. He treats me just like he would any other human. He didn’t look at me weirdly because I was an architect or discount me because I was an architect - rather, he treated me in a way that was… normal.”

“...that’s rather nice of him.”

“I know! It… it helped me a lot. To think that he was treating me just as any other person on the street.” Rin found her gaze locking back to the flowers. “...in a way, I grew, too. I was able to move past my… doubt. And it was nice to know that at least someone had my back.” 

Ivy simply remained silent. It wasn’t even a listening silence, it was more of… a somber silence. Rin cleared her throat awkwardly, afraid that she had taken it too far. 

“...I-I’m sorry, I guess I got a bit carried away there-“ She started nervously. 

“No, no - it’s fine.” Ivy shrugged. “It’s… nice to know that you have someone in your corner.”

“You have someone in your corner, too!” Rin quickly exclaimed. “And… if you’re ever… y’know… experiencing the same thing, then maybe you could talk to her about it.” 

Ivy blinked twice, let out a small sigh and stood up, brushing the dirt off of the edge of her jacket. “...yeah. I think it’s best I be going, now - thank you for showing me your flowers.”

(...Conner warned her this might happen.) 

“Wait, Ivy, I-“ Rin scrambled to stand up, almost dropping her watering can in the process. 

“Your greenhouse is beautiful, too. It suits you very well.” Ivy took one last look around, looking almost… uncomfortable. “Perhaps I should just grab Vanessa and leave-“

“But Sagar-“

“You’re right. I’ll come back for her later. I’m going to take a walk.” Ivy hurried out of the greenhouse with Rin hurrying after her. By the time Rin caught up, Ivy was already halfway out the door, and then before Rin could say anything- 

The door was slowly shut. 

Rin stuttered in front of the door, a frown forming on her face. She had just… left in such a hurry.

Was it that she didn’t want to be lectured? Or was she just… afraid of the emotions that she might display? 

“Rin…?” 

Rin jumped and turned around, seeing Sagar standing a couple of steps away, and Vanessa peeking out from behind the wall.

“Sagar-“

“What happened?” He jogged over to her side, looking at the door with a frown of his own. “Did she just…”

“Ivy left?” Vanessa spoke timidly from where she stood.

“She said she was… going for a walk.” Rin said with a sigh. “I think I said something wrong-“

“I’m sure you did the best you could, Rin.” Sagar hesitated before wrapping an arm around her waist, his cheeks flaring red. “You’re always good with words.”

Rin giggled nervously, looking away. “...t-thanks. I wish I had said something different, though-“

“Excuse me!” Vanessa piped up, a distraught look on her face. “I… what happened? Is Ivy okay?” 

Sagar and Rin exchanged looks.

Vanessa’s face fell. “Does that mean… Conner told you too?”

Rin didn’t think it was possible for her sigh to be full of any more relief. 

“...yes, he did. He said he needed help.”

“H-he told me that he wanted to see if anyone else could try to help before I do anything. And I’m  _ itching  _ to do something-“ Her eyebrows furrowed. “...d-did you make that presentation  _ just  _ to keep me away from the greenhouse…?”

Sagar flushed. “...yes and no?”

“I can’t believe this.” Vanessa groaned and ran a hand over her face. Rin rushed over and put a hand on Vanessa’s shoulder, giving her a reassuring smile. 

“It’s okay. We’ll… we’ll figure something out.” 

“...yeah.” Vanessa sighed. “Hopefully.” 

(...this was going to be tricky. Rin knew how  _ tricky  _ this subject was.)

(...maybe it was going to take a lot more than just Rin and Conner to help.) 


	3. and despite everything i’m still human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Did you come here to see me, or did you come here to see Zark?” Joe complained jokingly from behind the bar. 
> 
> “Zark.” Ivy replied simply, setting Zark back down on the floor and walking over to the bar.
> 
> “You wound me.” Joe placed a hand on his forehead dramatically, pushing the bottle of yamameto forward with his other. “You wound me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me , publishing two chapters in one day ; 👁👄👁

Joe had been warned by Conner of Ivy’s… predicament. 

And he wasn’t going to hesitate in helping.

He hadn’t known Ivy too much  _ before  _ the… incident… but the more she came to the cafe, the more he came to know her. 

So, to hear that she had been struggling with the concept of her own humanity was rather… daunting to Joe, and he was ready to help in any way he could.

“Zark! Zark - c’mere boy!” Joe got down on one knee and whistled, grinning and scooping Zark up in his arms when the dog came paddling over to him, his tongue hanging out from his mouth. Joe stood up with Zark in his arms, reaching up to scratch behind his ears. “Ready to cheer up Ivy? I’m sure you are!”

Zark barked happily, licking Joe’s cheek. “That’s exactly what you have to do when Ivy gets here!” Joe encouraged. “Good boy!” 

Zark barked again, wiggling around in Joe’s arms. Joe bent down and set Zark down gently, smiling as Zark ran away and hid under a chair, figuring that Zark wanted to surprise Ivy when she came.

(...if Joe didn’t know any better, he would think that Zark  _ alone  _ would be enough to cheer Ivy up.)

Joe took his position behind the bar, glancing up at the clock every now and again, waiting almost anxiously for Ivy to come.

A few moments later, Ivy slowly walked into the bar, closing the door quietly behind her. When she made eye contact with Joe, a lopsided smile formed on her face. “...hey.”

“Hey! The usual?”

“Yes.” Ivy began to walk towards the stools at the bar, letting out a small yelp and jumping when Zark jumped out from under the chair and barked. A more eased expression formed on her face, and she knelt down to pet Zark.

“Hey there, Zark.” She smiled, picking him up in her arms. Zark barked happily, and just as he did to Joe, began to lick her cheek, cooing happily when Ivy began to snicker. “Okay, okay - I get it. Hi, Zark.”

“Did you come here to see me, or did you come here to see Zark?” Joe complained jokingly from behind the bar. 

“Zark.” Ivy replied simply, setting Zark back down on the floor and walking over to the bar.

“You wound me.” Joe placed a hand on his forehead dramatically, pushing the bottle of yamameto forward with his other. “You  _ wound  _ me.” 

“Sorry.” Ivy shrugged and sat down - clearly not sorry - and began to take small sips from the bottle. A comfortable silence fell between them, the only thing making noise being the faint sound of jazz music playing through the speakers. 

...Joe decided that he was going to take a more direct approach with this. 

“...so…” Joe tapped his fingers on the top almost awkwardly. “...how’s your music been going?”

“Good.” Ivy replied curtly.

...it was always like this. Joe had to pry a little bit to get her actually talking. 

“Any new music I should know about? I know you mentioned something last time I saw you.” Joe grinned, trying to make his best pleading face when Ivy scowled. She let out a small sigh, rolling her eyes and looking away.

“...fine. I am working on something but I can't say a lot about it.” 

“Can you spare me a couple of details? Please?”

“No-“ 

Joe made another pleading face.

Ivy sighed.

“...fine. All I can tell you is that it’s a collab. That’s it.”

“A collab? Ooh…” Joe began to fill himself a cup of water, looking over his shoulder to smile at Ivy. “It would be funny if you had a collab with Conner.”

Ivy scoffed. “He  _ wishes. _ ”

“Nah. He doesn’t do that techno stuff.” Joe took a sip of his water. 

“...I guess.” Ivy played with the bottle in her hands, her gaze falling to the top of the bar. “I can't really tell you much about it yet, though.”

“That’s understandable. I’m just nosey.” 

Ivy snorted. “It has been… nice reclaiming the title of Æsir. I know I will never make up for the mistakes that I have made, however, I feel… better knowing that I’m using this name for good.”

Joe was simply going to  _ jump  _ into it. He wasn’t one to sugarcoat things.

“Well, humans make mistakes all the time - what’s important is that they learn and grow from them.” 

Ivy immediately stiffened. “...I’m not-“

“Of course you are.” Joe raised an eyebrow, a small frown forming on his face. “If I didn’t know about anything else, I’d be under the impression that you’re flesh and bones. But there’s no doubting that you’re  _ human _ .” Joe chuckled quietly. “Maybe all that yamameto is getting into your brain.” 

Ivy scowled. “It’s  _ not _ -“

“Hell, Ivy, you’re even more human than a lot of the people I’ve worked with.” Joe crossed his arms over his chest. 

“But-“

“No buts!” Joe cut her off. “It doesn’t matter if you have metal parts or don’t have to breathe to live - the fact of the matter is that you  _ feel _ . And… take my mistake thing to heart.” Joe smiled softly. “I’ve made… more mistakes than I could ever count. At some points, I thought I was… irredeemable. But, I was able to bounce back.” He took a swing of his water. “And I learned and grew from my past mistakes.”

Ivy remained silent, her gaze not leaving the bottle in front of her. Zark padded out from under the chair, whimpering quietly and pawing at Ivy’s ankle.

...Joe decided he would press on. 

“Being human means… growing. Experiencing. Developing. And you’ve done all of those things, right?” Joe grinned. “I don’t see any reason why you’re not human.” 

Ivy was still silent. 

...she almost looked sad.

It didn’t sit well with Joe. He knew that both Conner and Rin had tried to talk to talk to Ivy before, and she had walked out on both of them. 

Was she really feeling  _ that bad  _ about the idea of her being human? What was holding her back? Why did she still doubt? 

...he was afraid she was going to run out on him.

Instead, Ivy turned around in her stool and reached down, picking up Zark. Zark barked quietly and got himself comfortable in her arms, panting happily when Ivy began to scratch him behind the ears. She simply smiled sadly and continued to pet him, not looking up at Joe.

“...Ivy.” Joe said with a soft sigh. “You can’t just ignore this forever. It’s not good it just… builds and builds until it renders you unable to do anything. It’s better to just face it.” 

Ivy scowled, gritting her teeth.

Joe blinked twice, forcing himself not to take a step back because this was his first time seeing Ivy mad and  _ woah  _ a mad Ivy was a scary Ivy.

“...why is  _ everyone  _ talking to me about this?” She hissed, heat building behind her words. “It’s none of your business, I don’t even know why you  _ want  _ to get involved-“ 

“Ivy, you’re my  _ friend. _ ” Joe said in a pleading tone. “It would be wrong of me  _ not  _ to step in in a situation like this.” 

“It’s just-“

“What?”

“What did I do to deserve such kindness? You humans  _ confuse  _ me!” Ivy raised her voice slightly, anger dripping off of her words. “Whenever I think I have humans down, something always shifts, it always changes-“

“Ivy-“

“I have done nothing to deserve the kindness you have displayed towards me. So, tell me - what is the reason for your actions? Is there one?”

It was silent. 

When Joe didn’t reply within the ten seconds that followed, Ivy scoffed quietly, taking Zark off of her lap and setting him down on the floor as gently as possible. Zark whined, pawing at ankles. “I didn’t think so.”

“Ivy-“ 

Ivy put some money down on the table, pulled her hood over her face and began to walk towards the door rapidly, and Joe was  _ running out of time  _ he had to say  _ something - _

“I don’t need a reason to be kind, Ivy.” Joe said, loud enough so that Ivy could hear it. “...kindness doesn’t need justification all the time. Not everything does.” He smiled weakly when Ivy paused right in front of the door. “Sometimes, all you can do… is trust that someone just has the right intentions.” 

Zark yipped as if he agreed with Joe’s statement, padding over to Ivy slowly.

Ivy took a shaky breath, then quickly walked out the door, slamming it rather harshly behind her. Zark whined loudly and ran back to Joe, who was already jogging out from behind the bar and kneeling to scoop Zark up in his arms.

“It’s okay, buddy…” Joe cooed, petting Zark gently. “She’s… hurting.” He let out a heavy sigh. “Ah, man… this runs deeper than I thought it did.” 

Zark barked sadly and licked Joe’s cheek. 

“I know. I don’t… I don’t know what I’m gonna do.” 

He glanced over at his phone, which was face-down on the bar top. “...I think I might have to give the green light to Vanessa.”

(...his phone was right next to the half-full bottle of yamamteo that Ivy ordered.)

(...she had  _ never  _ left before finishing at least one bottle.)

(... _ god  _ \- this ran deeper than he thought.) 


	4. but i think i’m dying here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (But they wanted to help. Humans were just… emotional like that. When there was someone they cared about, they would do anything for them.)
> 
> (...that was just another thing that made Ivy so, undeniably human.)  
> _________  
> +1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we’ve reached the end !!! thank you for reading !!!   
> join the crytus ii server >:33  
> https://discord.gg/BRhv6nr

There was a small part of Vanessa that had always known that getting other people involved in this was a bad idea. In fact, it kind of… irked her. It wasn’t their business to begin with, and by the looks of things, they were just making it worse.

...she appreciated their efforts to help, though. Humans were so… complex and unique in every way, and even though some tended to have low empathy, they still tried to help in every way they could. And she appreciated that a lot. 

But she had seen how Ivy came home from the three interventions. The first one she hadn’t even known it had happened - all she knew was that Conner called her to ask a couple of questions. Ivy had come home, looking angry and dejected. She didn’t say anything, but she just sat down next to Vanessa, small comforts being offered in small shoulder touches and light banter here and there. She went to sleep early that night, and right after was when Vanessa received a text from Conner that turned her world upside down. 

It made her chest hurt. It made sadness settle in her stomach, and it made her metaphorical ‘heart’ drop to her feet. 

She wanted to help immediately, she told Conner, but Conner told her to hold off. He said that he wanted to see if anyone else could help - if there were other people who could get to her. He said that it was nothing against her, but he was confident that those who had been out in the human world for longer and had seen more. 

...she supposed it made sense. She was still itching to do something, though. And she thought, with no offense to the others, that she was the most qualified to get through to Ivy. 

But she trusted the humans. So, she let them do whatever they wanted.

Rin had lost Ivy about half an hour into their visit, leaving only Rin, Sagar and Vanessa standing in the house, a heaviness in the air and a somberness seeping into everyone in the house. They all knew what was going on, yet, couldn’t do anything about it.

Ivy came back that day two hours later and didn’t even say a word - she simply grabbed Vanessa by the hand and left. Vanessa offered her small comforts when they got home, but Ivy was a little more… distant that night. It wasn’t until the next day that Vanessa was able to actually talk to Ivy, who, while she didn’t want to talk exactly about what Rin said, allowed herself to be comforted by Vanessa for a few moments. 

Now, after she came home from Joe, Ivy seemed… angry. Really, really angry. Not even dejected or sad - just  _ angry.  _ Vanessa wasn’t sure if she was angry at Joe or… herself. 

The moment Ivy slammed the door to her room, Vanessa’s phone buzzed, and the first thing that caught her eye was the contact name: Mr. Miller. 

_ Mr. Miller ; 4:35 pm. _

**_Hey, Vanessa. It’s me. It didn’t go so well - I thought I had her for a second but I really didn’t. I just wanted to let you know because I know that you probably want to do something. Check on her, okay? And tell her Zark is worried about her._ **

_ Mr. Miller ; 4:35 pm. _

__ **_Good luck, Vanessa._ **

Vanessa turned off her phone after reading the messages, biting her lower lip. It… it bothered Vanessa that she was the last option - the ‘damage control’ option. She should have been the first one to say something - the first one to take action. 

...well, she knew what to do if something like this ever happened again. Hopefully it wouldn’t, but she would learn from this. 

...but she would let Ivy cool down for a little. She didn’t want to irritate Ivy or bother her any more than she already was - Ivy needed a second to cool down and breathe. She needed some space.

That would give Vanessa some time to figure out what she wanted to say to Ivy. 

So, for the entire day, Vanessa formulated what she wanted to say, how she was going to say it, and left a little glass of water outside of Ivy’s door and told her about it so that she wouldn’t run out of fuel and energy. 

(She pretended she didn’t notice when Ivy stepped out to get the water.)

When the next day rolled around, Vanessa bumped into Ivy, who was in the kitchen, getting water. 

...it was now or never.

“Hey, Vee.” Vanessa said softly, leaning against the wall innocently. “Are you… feeling better?”

“...a little.” Ivy muttered with a small shrug. She refused to meet Vanessa’s eyes. 

“Well… at least it’s a little. You’re on your way!” Vanessa chirped, her spirits lifting when Ivy offered her a small smile. “I’m glad to see you’re smiling again.” 

“...thanks.” 

Ivy had never been a person of many words, but  _ goodness  _ Ivy was being curt today. 

...it made sense. Ivy acting this way  _ made sense _ .

Vanessa knew that it might have been a bad idea to get others involved - she had thought it from the beginning. Essentially, she was the damage control, and the last hope to try and make Ivy feel better.

...she should have said something from the start.

(But they wanted to help. Humans were just… emotional like that. When there was someone they cared about, they would do  _ anything  _ for them.)

(...that was just another thing that made Ivy so, undeniably  _ human. _ )

“I feel like I haven’t had a chance to hang out with you in a while.” Vanessa continued, making her way to stand next to Ivy. “Maybe we could… do something today. Like watching a movie. If you’re… up for it, of course?” 

Who was Vanessa kidding? There was no way she could just hit her with the whole ‘humanity’ spiel a day after another happened. There was no way she had it in her to do that - she decided right then and there that Ivy needed some time; some time to think about what the others had said to her and to calm down. 

“Or! We could go out to a cafe or a park or something. If you’re up for it. It’s completely up to you!”

...yeah. She was going to take it slow. 

Ivy blinked a couple of times, then took a sip from her water, looking… unsure. She fiddled with the cup in her hand, silent for a couple of moments. “...I mean… fresh air would be nice…” 

Vanessa perked up, a soft smile stretching across her face. “Are you sure? It’s your call, Vee.”

“...yeah. I think… I think it would be nice.” Ivy gave a lopsided smile to Vanessa. “And I would like to hang out with you.”

“Great!’ Vanessa clapped her hands together, grinning widely. “Just tell me when you want to leave, okay? But take your time.” She reached out and squeezed Ivy’s arm, trying to offer some kind of comfort to her. “Let me know.”   
  


“...okay. Thank you.” Ivy fell silent for a moment. “...do you think we could leave in a couple of minutes?”

“Sure!’ Vanessa let go of Ivy’s arm, drawing her hands to her chest. “Let me just go get my purse!” 

“Alright. I’ll wait for you by the door?”

“Yeah!” Vanessa quickly made her way to her room, grabbed her purse, wrapped it around her shoulders to make sure it rested on her hip and quickly ran back out, grabbing onto Ivy’s arm as they began to walk out. “Are you sure you’re up for this?” 

“...yeah. I’m sure.” 

Ivy closed the door behind them, locking the door and leading Vanessa out of the apartment complex. Vanessa, beginning to grow uncomfortable with the silence, began to chatter about anything she could think about. 

It was fine, though. That was kind of their dynamic - Vanessa had enough energy and words for the both of them, so she was always filling in the silence.

...but it was a little different. Ivy usually offered something - small sentences, ideas, and banter - but today, she simply listened, nodded and only offered a small smile here and remained silent for most of the time. 

It looked like Vanessa was going to be doing a  _ lot  _ of the talking today. She was fine with that, though - she was happy that Ivy was getting some fresh air. As long as she was helping Ivy feel better, she would talk for as long as she needed to. 

They stopped at a small cafe, and Vanessa decided she would stay with Ivy as they ordered. Like always, Ivy ordered a coffee and Vanessa got a cupcake, and they were lucky to get their usual table near the window. Vanessa began rattling off about whatever she could think of, filling the silence between them as everything moved around them. As she spoke, she noticed that Ivy’s eyes were beginning to wander. Vanessa followed her gaze and saw that she was looking at all the humans around, interacting and laughing and just… being  _ human.  _

Vanessa was wrong to think that her metaphorical heart couldn’t be broken even more. 

With a weak smile, Vanessa reached across the table and gently took Ivy’s hand that was resting on the table in hers, running her thumb over her knuckles. “Hey. Talk to me - how’s your music going?”

Ivy blinked a couple of times, squeezing Vanessa’s hand weakly. “Well… it’s going good. I’m fixing the mixing.” 

“That’s good!” Vanessa chirped. “I… I hope you liked the orchestral bits I made. Do you think they’ll like it?” 

“Of course.” Despite Ivy’s hesitance before, she did not hesitate to answer this time. “Music with orchestral bits is popular nowadays. But I think… that this song will be the best out of all of them.”

“Why?”

‘Because you helped me make it.” Ivy offered her a small smile. Vanessa parked up, a happy gasp escaping her lips. 

“Really? That’s… so nice.” 

Ivy let out a small snort, ducking her head. “...it’s true, though.” 

The rest of the day went rather smoothly - Vanessa was able to get Ivy to come out of her shell and get her talking a little, and she listened to Ivy quietly explain some things about her new song. As they walked home, Vanessa took the reins in filling in the silence again, grabbing onto Ivy’s arm so that they wouldn’t get separated in the crowds.

Vanessa’s original plan was to follow up the next day and ask Ivy to talk to her, and then she would address what had happened and ask her what she thought, but after Vanessa saw the look on Ivy’s face as she looked at all the humans in the cafe she decided she would have to give Ivy a little more time - just a little to take a breather. 

A couple of more days turned into a week.

Conner and Joe were texting her, asking her if she had said anything yet, but she always replied with no because Ivy  _ needed more time.  _

She understood why Ivy got so upset - she was being told by people back to back to accept that she was a human, and while it was really nice of them to do that, it was just too quick. 

In fact, Vanessa thought that maybe, because it was back to back, Ivy had already built this resistance to it that had her mind on one track.

So Ivy just needed a week - a week to clear her mind and take a breather-

And Vanessa was there for her every single day, making sure that she was taking care of herself and getting some fresh air and that they were talking. It was… peaceful. Calm. Ivy seemed less upset as the days went on, and she began to talk a little more. 

And then the end of the week came and Vanessa knew she had to say  _ something _ . 

She couldn’t let this manifest and stay internalized anymore. Ivy just needed to… know and try to accept that she was human. That’s all.

And it was hard. But… she was going to try her best.

(Not to toot her own horn, but if anyone was going to get Ivy to listen, Vanessa would be the best bet.)

And so, on Sunday, she sat Ivy down on the couch and took Ivy’s hands in hers, a reassuring smile on her face. “I  _ have  _ to talk to you.” She let out a nervous giggle. “...and by the looks of your face I think you already know what it’s going to be about.”

Ivy recoiled and scoffed, looking away. “Vanessa, please, I really don’t need-“

“No, no, hear me out. Please.” Vanessa said quickly. “And  _ please  _ don’t run away - well, you can if you want but I want you to listen, okay?” She reached out and cupped Ivy’s cheek softly. “Please?”

“...okay.” Ivy still didn’t meet Vanessa’s gaze, but she settled down again, her overall body language a little more relaxed than before. She settled down against the couch as Vanessa began to speak. 

“Ivy I… I just want to begin by saying you mean  _ so much  _ to me, and it hurts me to see you hurting like this. And… I really want to help.” Vanessa started, squeezing Ivy’s hands. “And well… at first, when you came back from Joe’s, I have to admit I was a little… annoyed. I wondered why they were… meddling with all of this and in the process just… making things worse. But…” She let out a small laugh. “Humans are just odd like that. Their emotions are weird and all over the place but… I can tell that they care about you. And when humans care about people, they go above and beyond to help them.”

Ivy nodded quietly, her eyes flickering up every now and again. 

“And… when I think of that, I think of how you went above and beyond to help me. You put all this stuff together, and made all this music and… you almost…” She bit her lower lip, then shook her head. “You went out of your way to help me and  _ that’s  _ what makes you so, undeniably human. Your emotions, your actions, your thoughts… they’re all  _ human.”  _

“...how do you know that?” Ivy asked quietly, sinking into the pillows on the couch. Vanessa squeezed Ivy’s hands again, a small hum escaping her. 

“I’ve had… my fair share of information about humans.” She smiled weakly, running her thumbs over Ivy’s knuckles. “I’ve seen and…  _ known  _ things that are still rather fuzzy to me, but the one thing I know about humans is that they’re so  _ complex  _ and  _ emotional  _ and… they just have so many layers to them. And you, Ivy, have many layers to you.”

Vanessa scooted forward a little to get closer to Ivy as Ivy inhaled shakily. “...layers?”

“Yeah! Here - I’ll list them for you.” Vanessa intertwined their fingers as she spoke. “Your first layer is this strong, stoic front that you put up and that makes you just… so  _ cool  _ and strong? But then when you get to your second layer you’re softer and… you’re funny and sweet and despite what you say you’re  _ kind  _ and  _ open  _ to a lot of things.” She grinned. “And that’s only  _ two  _ layers. I could go on and on and on-“

“Please don’t.” Ivy smiled weakly. “I… I think I’ve heard enough about that.” 

Vanessa frowned, tugging Ivy to sit up. “Vee… just, let me say one more thing?”

“...okay?” 

Vanessa let go of Ivy’s hands and put her hands to Ivy’s chest, her frown turning into a small smile. “I feel it.”

“...feel what?”

“Your metaphorical heart.” Vanessa replied. “We… we may not have an actual heart, but we do have a metaphorical one - one that beats and keeps us  _ alive  _ and helps us feel. And… you may not think it, but it’s something that you have in you.” She pulled her hands away and opened her arms. “You just have to embrace it!”

For a second, Vanessa thought Ivy was going to bolt. She froze for a couple of moments, her eyes studying Vanessa slowly and carefully, but then she moved forward and fell into Vanessa’s arms. Vanessa brought her arms around Ivy tightly and simply held her, not saying a word.

...Ivy didn’t need a lecture, or any more words.

She just needed silence and a hug.

And Vanessa was here to supply that. 

Ivy hugged her back weakly and buried her face in the crook of Vanessa’s neck, a shaky sigh escaping her. Vanessa smoothed Ivy’s hair away from her forehead and smiled softly, holding Ivy for a couple of more minutes before moving away slightly so that she could look Ivy in the eyes.

“Repeat after me, okay? I am  _ human _ .”

Ivy was silent.

“...please?”

“...I am human.” Ivy’s voice was barely audible, but it was  _ there. _

“Can you do it a little louder?” 

“...I am human.” Ivy said a little louder. 

“One more time.”

“I am  _ human.”  _

Vanessa grinned and hugged Ivy tightly again, a small laugh escaping her. “Yes! You are! And I’ll remind you that you are until you believe it.” She fell silent for a couple of moments, then continued, softer this time. “...I’m proud of you, Vee.”

“...I… thank you.” Ivy murmured. 

“It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

(...and if Ivy’s shoulders began to shake and wetness was beginning to seep into Vanessa’s collar, she wouldn’t say anything. Ivy  _ needed  _ this.)

(...Vanessa was going to help Ivy every step of the way with this.)

(Because whether they believed it or not, they were both totally, undeniably  _ human. _ ) 


End file.
